Hey Jealousy…

My mom was(is) fabulous. She did many many many things right. One of my favorites is the Jealous Theory. For as long as I can remember, whenever I came home upset because Suzie Q* made fun of my wannabe Debbie Gibson hat or the boy I just knew was my soul mate made fun of my haircut (ahem, MIKE**), our talks always ended with “They’re just jealous.” I LOVE this theory. Instead of saying, “They’re just mean.” or “Don’t be friends with people like that.”  and creating an anger or an intolerance, the Jealous Theory breeds empathy and good self esteem. So I could sob like the world was ending and go back to life and look at the poor souls that were mean to me and instead of having anger, I would feel sad for them and instead of being completely ruined, I would walk away with my self esteem intact. Just an embarrassing side note,  I was in my freshman year of college before it ever even dawned on me that some people might just not like me. (I am not kidding, I was 18…)

I have always known that I would use the Jealous Theory with my own kids and today I got my chance for the first time. We were playing at the park and up struts a boy we will call JB (jealous boy). JB is at least a year older than Scott and a two feet taller. (side note: Scott is wearing his Superman outfit and pirate boots) Scott and JB are both playing on the slide area, when the relentless taunting starts. JB- “I am stronger than you.” “You aren’t really Superman.” “I can fly and you can’t.” “I am bigger.” etc etc. Scott- “NO, I am stronger than you.” “Yes, I am Superman, see my shirt!” “I can too fly, I have a cape!” etc etc. I am the kind of mom that tries to not get involved unless completely necessary (ie my child is the one being mean or there is physical force involved). So, I am sitting there watching and every once in awhile Scott looks over at me and I just smile at him. I even suggested that he play on the other slide, but he stayed with JB. After a couple of minutes, Scott runs over with tears in his eyes and says “JB is not using nice words, go tell him to use nice words.” I stayed calm and said, “If you don’t like the way he is playing, go play somewhere else.” Scott runs off and of course, JB follows him. A couple minutes later, Scott runs over again, “His mom needs to tell him to use nice words!” And then a light bulb went off…. aahhh, the Jealous Theory! So I said, “I know he is not using nice words, but he is probably just jealous. He is jealous of your awesome Superman outfit and he is probably jealous that you can climb up the slide so well.” (yes, I am that mom that lets her kid climb UP the slide instead of just sliding down it.) I continued with, “I bet if you just ignore him and play with kids who are talking nice, he will leave you alone.” Scott paused and said, “Yea, he is just jealous that he doesn’t have a cape.” and ran off. He ignored JB and JB left him alone. We did end up leaving a couple of minutes later after Scott hit someone and wouldn’t apologize, BUT the Jealous Theory reigns supreme.

*This name has been changed to protect the guilty.

**This name has NOT been changed to make the guilty feel bad.