BFF in the 918

May 5, 2009

Making new friends is hard. I currently belong to a mom’s group and go to a group for mom’s (see the difference…) and I still feel kind of out there in the friend department. I like to stay busy and I would love to have a big group of friends that I could call and say, “My kids are making me crazy, come save me!” or “I am bored, I want a girls night, let’s go out!” But it is that transition….

It is the making the step from mom’s group friend to one-on-one friend that is hard. It is the meeting a mom at the puffies and saying, “Ya know, I have loved sitting here talking to you, let’s meet up sometime.” that makes my feet start to sweat. (my feet sweat when I get nervous or scared or anxious, it is weird, but I consider it better than my face sweating or armpits for that matter…) And really, I am not a shy person, I can sit and talk to anyone, but it is that taking it to the next level moment when I freeze.Β  I have a new understanding of the nerve it takes a guy to ask a girl on a date. And, really, it is not the fear of rejection, it is the fear of the sympathy yes. I could handle it much better if I knew another mom would say, “Sorry I have enough friends.” rather than say yes and really be dreading my email.

I read somewhere (it was either in The Velvet Elvis or Sex God) the other day a story about a man who wanted to learn the violin and went to a teacher and asked how long it would take him to learn how to play well. The teacher replied, “About five years.” The man stomped his foot and said, “Five years! In five years, I will be 55!” The teacher said, “In five years you will be 55 whether or not you learn how to play the violin.”

So that is the approach I am going to start taking in friendships, in six months, a year or two years,Β  time will still have passed and will I wish I would have been more bold or will I be glad I put myself out there?

I mean really, what’s the worst that could happen?

16 Responses to “BFF in the 918”

  1. Brenda Says:

    The worst that could happen – you could ruin a pair of socks. My feet were sweating when I gave you my number at the mall! I sooooooo understand what you mean! I went home and told Darryn that I just asked a girl out. Then neither one of us had the you-know-what to even call each other. Thank goodness we ended up in the same neighborhood! Wait – you didn’t actually move to Tulsa to get away from me, did you? Hmm……

    • Cori Says:

      I know, we are such dorks, think of all the months we wasted not calling each other, only to be in the same neighborhood and then I move to escape..I mean to move back to Tulsa! When you posted about going to Incredible Pizza, I was thinking, if I still lived there, I would totally invite myself.

  2. Kaci Says:

    I can totally relate to this! It took me two years to find really good friends in Austin and now that I’ve moved I only keep in touch with two of them. I credit you for helping me find friends in Edmond, I never would have even thought to join a mom’s group if you hadn’t metioned it. I would still be smilling at mom’s across the park, but would never have the courage to say hello. Joining a “group” was the jumping off point for me, now I’m putting myself out there so much more. I have some great old friends in the city, but I hope to have some great new friends soon! Thanks for writting this.

  3. RebekahC Says:

    I so understand what you mean, and can totally totally totally relate. Making friends IRL has never been my strong suit. I crave closer friendships that not only include myself and my kids, but also my husband. Having more couple friends that we could hang out with together would simply be wonderful; yet, I haven’t a clue how to go about it. You’re not looking for any friends are you? LOL (Okay, that was a really dumb question considering….. πŸ˜› Seriously though, if you ever wanna get together- even just for coffee or something, know I’d be game. And, hey, we already know each other sorta so that’s gotta take the pain out of breaking the ice.)

    Rebekah (from MOPS)

    P.S. Our brunch is tomorrow. Gonna come join us?!

    • Cori Says:

      Yes, I would love to get together for coffee! I will be at MOPS tomorrow, and I am cracking that you signed “Rebekah (from MOPS)” ummm, I know who you are! I am totally with you on the “couple friends” it is hard enough finding someone you personally get along with, but then to add in the whole family….. Anyways… See you tomorrow!

  4. Lainee Says:

    I know exactly what you mean. I am looking forward to the Summer- My boys are excited about the pool opening but not as much as I am! I love that it is a gathering spot in the neighborhood for all the moms and kiddos. I feel like it is just easier to get together with the moms in the hood. They are just right there! I miss the moms back on my old street so much that some days I could just cry! We just all hung out. In the kitchens, driveways, backyards, and the neighborhood park.
    We moms need the support of good friends who are there to keep us sane. It’s better to take the plunge now than wait and wish we had!
    Here’s to putting yourself out there!

    • Cori Says:

      I can’t wait for the pool too. We joined one here and I decided I am going to become good friends with all the baby pool moms! Here’s to putting yourself out there! Let me know how it goes for you….

  5. Heidi Says:

    12 years in the military and 5 states…Yep I get it about making and keeping friends. In the military we’re all thrown in together…we have built-in groups and built-in peers because we’re all going through the same things. But that doesn’t mean we have built-in friends. I feel very out of place here…I keep telling myself it takes time, but for the most part I feel like the neighborhood dork. (Maybe you moved to get away from ME!)

    • Cori Says:

      You are most definitely NOT the neighborhood dork. I felt that way when I lived there too, there are so many established friendships that it seems hard to break in. I know we have said it before, but I do wish we would have gotten together more often when we were RIGHT NEXT DOOR!

  6. martha Says:

    Apparently it is really hard for everybody to make “friends” I mean I have a lot of aquaintances but of them I have maybe 1 that I can call any time and be like get me out of here, like you were saying. I know I always want to get together with other couples or other families but it never really seems to happen. I wonder if people are scared of the 5’s not contagious people, and we really do get out more often then people might think. I would like to get together with you guys, let me know when is good for you if you even want to..

  7. Andrea Says:

    You are not alone!!! We ALL feel this way, I think!

  8. Carissa Miller Says:

    You have me!!! You know I am always up for playdates, coffee, Wild Fork Taquitos, girls nights, anything! πŸ™‚ I know what you mean though…once you become a mom it is hard to make that transition to being good friends with someone because you don’t have the time to invest in relationships that you once did. Guess it’s a good thing that we’ve known each other since we were immature 19 year olds rockin’ our smokin’ hot lifeguard uniforms at Southern Hills. We go way back girl! πŸ™‚ By the way….can’t wait to hang out tomorrow AND Saturday night. It’s going to be FUN.

  9. Carissa Miller Says:

    OK…I’m reposting to say that I did NOT know how dorky the little smiley faces were going to look and will no longer be adding those to my posts. Now I’m going to do a frowny face just because I’m curious to see what they look like. 😦

  10. Brandi Says:

    Cori – I love your blog. Your openness is refreshing, though intimidating at the same time. I long for more people who are this real. Though it scares me that being friends with you makes me this vulnerable as well, because you see right to the heart all the time, it makes me sad we aren’t closer because I know you would challenge me (and entertain me as well).

    Keep up the good blogging. Love you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: