Man Boobs

May 8, 2009

Older men and egos.

Today I was running and was at the turn around point and stopped to stretch my calf before heading towards home and this man run past and says:

Man: I thought you were going to TRY to out run me. (arrogant smirk)

Me: (sarcastic smile) Oh, hahaha. (inner monologue…. “You better watch yourself old man, I am about to smack that jiggle right out of those man boobs.”)

Then I let him far enough ahead that he probably felt good about himself and then I ran. I ran past him and in a fake cheerleader voice I said:

Have a great day!

Man: Grunt. Snort.

Me: Ya, know, if you picked up your feet more when you ran it would help your stride and probably improve your speed.

(okay I totally made up the last line, but it was on the tip of my tongue) And then I ran. I ran hard all the way home.  So hard that when I got to my street to walk for my cool down I could hardly breathe. It felt wonderful. It was like he was my breaking point, anything inside that had been eating at me was gone.

I have found that older men do not like to be passed by girls. Guys my ageish when passed usually give the 3 fingered wave or smile and nod but (most) older men, not so much. When you pass them and say “Good Morning.” They stare straight ahead like they don’t see you and grunt. The best though, is when they do their faux sprint (I swear to you, I am not making this up, this has happened to me several times) the faux sprint goes like this:

Me-pass the man.

Man- grunt. waits a couple beats and starts sprinting. Man passes me and then sprints for about 100 more yards and then usually the man starts walking because he is on the verge of heart failure or at the very least resumes pre-sprint pace.

This results in me re-passing them in a minute or so, but it is like they have to make sure you know, if they run to the point of over excurtion, they can pass you and hold on to it for 2.3 seconds. Next time this happens, I am thinking about racing.

*Side Note: I am not trying to imply that I am a super runner or anything of that sort. Because I am not. Plenty of people pass me.

**Double Side Note: Passing a man while visibly pregnant, is even more irritating to him.

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11 Responses to “Man Boobs”

  1. Heidi Says:

    Love this story! And you ARE a super runner! My sister-in-law ran a 5K with a DOUBLE stroller once and passed a guy going up hill. He shouted the F word at her.

    • Cori Says:

      That is awesome! Not that she got the F word shouted at her, but the fact that she ran a 5k w/ a double, those things are beasts.

  2. Liz Says:

    The only thing worse than old men are old women. Not when running, of course, but just in general. Good for you!

  3. Christy Says:

    You are such a great writer! I love reading your blog. I’m still in the getting passed stage while running but I’m working on it!

    • Cori Says:

      Thanks Christy. Didn’t you run a race recently? For some reason I feel like you were talking about a 5k? I am trying to motivate myself to sign up for a race…I get SO nervous.

  4. Martha Says:

    You crack me up! I’m no runner, let’s face it I’m barely a walker, but I really don’t like to see older men, no matter how good a shape they are in, running without a shirt on..eww.

    • Cori Says:

      I don’t mind the no shirt…if they can pull it off. I mean come on, you don’t see me out there running in just a sports bra!

  5. bethany Says:

    Love it! The only thing better than passing an old man runner is perhaps passing a biker!

    • Cori Says:

      You are a better runner than I! I have never passed a biker unless they were stopped, under the age of 10, or out for a leisurely ride with a basket on the front of their bike!

      • bethany Says:

        Oh I don’t think I’ve ever done it… I just fantasize about passing them and somehow tripping them and then laughing at them… I know mean, but true=)


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