Sharing is Caring

January 13, 2010

Mike and I have different views on sharing. Especially when it comes to food. I am not a sharer. My feeling is, if you want some popcorn…..get up and get yourself some popcorn, if you wanted a dessert…. you should have ordered one. When I say, “Mike, do you want chips and salsa” and you say, “No”. Then I get myself the exact amount of chips and salsa that I want, so, NO, you can’t have a bite!

Mike recently has been saying, “Sharing is Caring!” to Scott when he wants something of Scotts. So now, Scott is constantly saying to me, “Mooom, Sharing. Is. Caring!!!”

When it comes to toys and “stuff”, I handle each situation differently. I don’t think it is right that one child might be playing with something then another child wants it so you take it away from the first child and say, “You need to share.” That just doesn’t seem fair. Maybe child #2 needs to learn to wait. I don’t make my kids share with each other. I don’t let them take things away from each other either, but I try to teach them that you can have a turn with X when child is finished playing with it. Until then, find something else to do! I know some parents do taking turns by limiting the time each child is allowed to play with a toy and switching off. Between Scott and Nate, I don’t really have to do that yet, they get distracted while waiting. So I don’t really know about that….

I will say, if we have guests over, I try to match the toys ie if Scott has a sword and friend wants it, we get another sword for friend and vice versa. If we don’t have two of an item (or a good sub), I do enforce the time rule and explain it as… “They are our guest, when they leave you get X to yourself, so while they are here, we need to share…..”

I am just wondering…. Am I doing the right thing? What do you do at your house?

We have this little book about sharing and it cracks me up because they never actually share in it… It is like:

You can’t have my snack, BUT I will get you some of your own.

You can’t play with my friend, BUT maybe we can all play dress up together.

You can’t ride on my bike, BUT I can take you for a ride.

I kind of like their philosophy. Mike doesn’t. He thinks the poor kid should hand over his new bike.

9 Responses to “Sharing is Caring”

  1. Charity Says:

    Very interesting thoughts, Cori. I have no idea what I think really. I think you have a great point that you don’t just take it from the first kid because someone else wants it. I feel like our rule was similar to that growing up. You can’t just HAVE something, and I don’t remember time limits either, but I think when kids get older and start to say “I’m still using it” just so the other kid can’t have it is where it might get sticky. I think I recall some of “if you can’t share, then you can’t have it either” – this seemed especially true with clothes later in life. We would say no to sharing even if we weren’t wearing that shirt that day. That never went over too well with the parents. With little kids, though, distractions probably work as well as anything else….what do I know, I don’t even have kids. 🙂

  2. Liz Says:

    Tough topic. I’m leaning more towards the theory that kids should just duke it out on their own. Doesn’t work so well with other people kids though b/c you just look like a negligent mom. I say, your way with your own kids and Mike’s way with other kids and guests. See there! You’re both right.

  3. momadom Says:

    My thoughts tend to steer the way you are going – although I kind of think this IS sharing. The whole concept is to wait your turn – they are still sharing the item in question. I’m not sure taking it away from one kid and giving it to the next is teaching anyone good habits – one kid is learning that they can’t play/use something if someone else wants it and the other is learning they can have anything they want when they want it.

    That being said, I DO think I have every right to my husband’s popcorn even when I previously said I didn’t want any! 🙂

  4. midlifereality Says:

    Amen, Cori. I agree. I never made you give something up to Evyn and I didn’t make you let Ev play with you and your friends. Maybe that’s why you feel that way. Blame me!

  5. Faith Says:

    My kids say that we can’t give the 2 yr old everything she wants just because she whines, or “we’ll make her spoiled & nasty.” I figure they’ve got it about right.

    Our house rule is that you tell the person who wants what you have the reasonable amount of time they have to wait. Reasonable in our house is <10 minutes (though for the littlies we do <4 minutes).

    Also, kids can choose to take turns or play together with the same toy/set. Mine usually play together as they realize that gives them more time with the toys than taking turns. Though, I will admit this only works well with the 5+ yr old set.

  6. Amy Says:

    We’re huge about taking turns. My kids are so close in age that they totally want to play with the same things. We started off by timing how long each kid gets to play with the item they both want… but now they just automatically take turns. I do usually ask if they want to take turns… the answer is usually yes. If the one originally playing with the toy says no then tough cookies for kid #2. And then I sing a little Rolling Stones – you can’t always get what you want. (and just to brag on the excellent talking turn skills of my kiddos… check out the video I just posted… )

  7. Amy Says:

    taking turn skills – not TALKING turn skills

  8. martha Says:

    I totally agree that you shouldn’t make the one person give it up just because someone else wants it. And my babies haven’t figured out how to share yet or wait for their turn so if someone is playing with something they want it is a fight, that is why we got the babies two of everything this Christmas and will do so until they are able to undestand. Not helpful for you, just saying. Also I like to “share” someones food, because whatever they order is always going to be better than what I did, so I like to taste, and sometimes I really do just want one bite of their dessert, although this doesn’t happen J never orders dessert, that is usually me and I don’t mind sharing my food, probably has something to do with being the youngest of four.

  9. Ranae Says:

    I know I am behind and this was last weeks. BUT, what do you do if they both have something and are fighting over it – both want it and you didn’t see who had it first and had no idea. I take the toy away from both and put it in timeout, but what do you do?

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