Drunk Sick

May 4, 2011

Enter into a party underway and find the following:

1. The Fun Drunk

2. The Sweet Huggy Mellow Drunk

3. The Angry Drunk

4. The Insecure Needy Drunk (you know, that girl crying in a corner)

5. The Drunk That Keeps Talking about How Drunk They Are

6. The Drunk that Denies They are Drunk

7. The Drunk that Starts Spelling Stuff (you know who you are)

8. The Lazy Drunk (that guy sitting in the corner with glazed eyes watching everyone)

9. The Drunk that Tries to Make Out with Everyone

I have decided that sick people fall into the exact same categories (with the exception of #1 and #9). I used to be the sick person that lived in denial. “I’m not sick, I just have a 103.9 degree fever and my throat hurts. I am just gonna work through it.” Now, I have realized that being sick is the only time I actually have the excuse to do as little as p0ssible so I have moved on to #8. I turn on the TV with out guilt. Let my kids eat what they want, leave dinner and every household chore to Mike and lay in bed watching Hulu as much as I can. I only get sick about once or twice a year so might as well get caught up on all the random shows I never watch.

My kids are sick this week.

Scott is the sweet precious angel sick kid that lays on the couch wrapped up in a blanket that says stuff like, “(sniffle, sniffle) Mom, do you think I can watch a show since I can’t move my legs very well?” and “I would give you a kiss Mom, but I don’t want to spread my germs to you.” He is the sick kid that you want to pamper and let eat ice cream for dinner. He’s a #2.

Nate is a #3 with a little bit of #4 thrown in to make sure you can never get anything done. He screams and hits and throws stuff if you don’t bring him what he wants. He wants you to read but wants to watch TV and play on the ipod at the same time and when you quit ready since he isn’t really listening he has a freak out (this is where the hitting and screaming enters). He wants everything and nothing and the second you make the oatmeal he asked you for he is screaming at you that he wanted GRANOLA AND MILK and when you give him the granola and milk (after you explained that it will hurt his throat but he insisted upon anyway) he will start screaming at you that his throat hurts and he wants YOGURT, when you get him the yogurt, he will dump it in the granola and milk and on the floor and then scream that he wants more, when you say “No, you just wasted an entire container.” he will hit you. He is the sick kid that you have to force yourself to feel sorry for.

Gotta go Angry Sick Kid is attacking Sleepy Sick Kid.


8 Responses to “Drunk Sick”

  1. bethany Says:

    This might be one of the funniest blogs I have ever read. Seriously – if there were a contest – I’d vote for you to win first place.

    I’ve had a #10 on my hands this week… the slobbery drunk that has slobber and crud all over them. Or in our case snot. everywhere.

    Hope your #2 & #3/#4 feel better soon!

    • Cori Says:

      Yes! 10. The Slobbery Puking Drunk… How could I forget that guy! Sorry Campbell is sick. Let’s have a virtual cocktail together later. (I mean a real cocktail but not in person… You know what I mean)

  2. I agree with Bethany about the funniest blog thing. Only you, Cori Bandy Lyon, would find a way to compare drunk people to sick kids. I do have to say though, where in the heck did you come up with #7? Is there actually such a think as someone who spells when they are drunk? I can’t imagine so!

  3. azdenek Says:

    this is great! Not so much that your kiddie are sick… But the drunk comparison is hilarious!

  4. Jessica Says:

    Ok just a little confused, you said you were a #9 when you are sick, That means you try to make out with everyone? lol! I read it twice and I am pretty sure that was a 9 maybe just a little confused but great blog post its hilarious I’m pretty sure my son is a #4 🙂

  5. […] around our house the past week. Basically she’s had a fever, been cranky as heck and on the “drunk sick” meter that my bf cori came up with, she was definitely a #3 / #4. Exhausting. Like colicky newborn […]

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