Bucket O’ Guilt

May 13, 2009

I hate feeling guilty. Almost as much as I hate feeling convicted.

I have this vision in my head of what I want my life to look like and feel like, how I want my kids to be raised and my marriage to grow. I can see it in my head and I can describe it with words, but I don’t know how to go about getting there.

“What I believe is not what I say I believe; what I believe is what I do.” (Blue Like Jazz) I read this and it was  like a bucket of guilt was hovering above my head waiting for me to get to this line and then it poured  itself out on top of me. I have been slimed. I need to come up with my plan and then take some action steps to get there.

1. I want to be part of a community. A community of friends and neighbors that helps each other and supports each other. People to take food to when a new baby joins the family or to mow their yard when you know it is just more then they can handle. To invite them over just so we all can remember we are not alone.

2. I want my kids to be raised to be compassionate. I want them to know how fortunate we are and that it is our responsibility to help those who need help.

3. I want our family to be a strong unit. For all of us to go to bed with out a doubt in our minds that we will always be whole.

Really, those are the main points.

Action Steps:

1. Invite families over more. Talk to my neighbors. (it is hard to feel motivated to talk to my neighbors right now since I know we are moving again in November and also the people next door scare me.) Put ourselves out there and take some risks.

2. I have got to find somewhere to volunteer. I think I have talked about this before, but it is harder than you would think. I really would like to find something I can do with my kids because, well, they are always with me and I want them to learn how important it is. My mom made me start volunteering on a regular basis when I was a freshman in high school to help combat my teenage egomania and it was one of the best parenting moves she ever made.

3. Mike and I need to make more of an effort to spend time alone. To get dressed up and go on a date and eat a meal while it is still warm. As a family, we actually are pretty good about connecting and sharing our daily adventures.

Okay, now that this is typed out, it doesn’t seem as daunting.

I just want to make sure we are caught up in the right things. Focused on the important stuff. Living a life of purpose. Ya know… all those cliche saying that motivational posters are made of.

As my mom would say, “Make good choices.” (actually she only says this to Evyn, so either, I am the golden child or a lost cause.)

If anyone has any good volunteer ideas, I would love to hear them.