Jesus Poops

April 9, 2011

Nate is really into “Baby Jesus” right now.  He is really into talking about Jesus dying on the cross, Jesus being born, Why Jesus doesn’t come to his house to show Nate his face etc. Every night at bedtime, we have a deep discussion about Baby Jesus. I hope I haven’t totally screwed up his spiritual life during these discussions.

I’m not going to lie myself… I know there is a good chance that Mike and I are the only people that think our kids are adorable and hilarious…

The link below may or may not crack you up. It cracks me up, but like I said, it’s my kid.

You can listen here >>

Genie in a Bottle

February 2, 2011

The snow blizzard has arrived. Mike is out of town and my biggest fear throughout this blizzard is losing power. Alone. With two little kids. Being literally snowed in. Seriously, trapped. And not knowing how to start a fire. (note to self: learn how to start a fire.)

I couldn’t sleep last night because I was so nervous. Finally at midnight, anxiety ridden, I prayed. I prayed that if God let us get through this without losing power that I would go to church for six months straight. Then I decided that I didn’t want to commit to something I knew I couldn’t do (sick kids, vacations, etc) so I changed it to: Get to church often but if we miss church to watch it online, every week for six months.

Yes, I know I am ridiculous. Yes, I know God is not a genie. Yes, I know God doesn’t bargain like that, and yes, I knew this while I was doing it. Yes, I am that lame.

So far, we haven’t lost power. No, I am not saying the only reason I didn’t lose power was because I committed to church (honestly, I am kind of surprised God didn’t make me lose power and then leave me a message in the snow that said, “Have you not read the verse that says DO NOT TEST GOD”) BUT I am saying, If I make a commitment I follow through.

Tonight I decided to be an overachiever and watch church from last week online because that’s how I roll. I was sitting on my couch crying.

It was about fear. “What we fear the most reveals what we value the most and what we fear the most is also where we trust God the least.” How true is that? My biggest fear is someone hurting my kids. This comes from a lot of different places. A child molesting youth pastor, volunteer work, my pre kids job, child molesting camp counselors and private school teachers. The person most likely to hurt your child is the person you suspect the least. One in three girls will be abused. One in four boys will be abused. I get choked up with fear even thinking about the day my children will start having sleep overs and going to camp and playing sports and being away from me more than they are with me.

I am scared to go to church and be close to God because I am scared that he will test my faith by allowing someone to hurt my children.

It is an issue.

I am not going to go into every detail of what Craig talked about, I won’t explain it right and it will be better to watch yourself. However, I will say, I didn’t realize how deep my fear was. And I don’t want to project my fears onto my children and affect their lives negatively.

The next six months I am going to do more than go through the motions of church. I think I am going to embrace it and run with it and see where it leads me. My goal is to be present, to learn and to apply.

Now to find a church….

 

Communion

February 18, 2010

Since we have been on a church hiatus for the last year or so, last week was the first time I have had communion in at least a year. I forgot how refreshing it is. I grew up in a church that took communion weekly, and I kind of wonder why all churches don’t partake or commune or whatever the word is every week, it is good for the soul.

I love that moment right before you take the bread that your head bows, your eyes close and you get to sigh, knowing it is a new beginning. I love the feeling of a fresh start. I love New Years Resolutions and spring cleaning. I love the freedom in letting go.

No matter your religious views, as people and especially as parents, we all need that fresh start. Maybe I am the only screw ball that needs it once a week, but we all need it. We all need the freedom to know that mistakes are correctable and mindless choices don’t have to determine the entire course of our lives or even our day. I can’t control my friends, my husband, circumstances or even my kids but I can control myself. My reactions, my attitudes, my spirit, my faith. I have to the ability at any time to make amends, ask forgiveness, let go, change a path, and wipe that slate clean.

I needed that reminder this week.