I have a slight obsession with Kristin Armstrong. I think she is wonderful. No, I have never actually met her, but if I lived near her (Austin, TX) I would definitely stalk her.  Not in a scary stalker way, but in a if-she-would-just-get-to-know-me-we-could-be-friends kind of way (I know, still creepy, so I guess it is best that I don’t live by her after all….). She has an amazing running blog that is about so so so much more than just running. She also has an incredible  book.

I really could dedicate an entire blog to the ways that each of her blogs speak to me, but again with the creepy stalker profile…. Anyways, one of her points in her  latest post is finding and pursuing your passion. Which (as her writing always does) spoke right to me. I have been wondering a lot lately what my passion is. I know right now I am wrapped up in being a mom, but I don’t want to become a woman whose identity is so tied to her kids that she forgets who she is and looks in the mirror eighteen years later and doesn’t recognize herself. I love running, but, let’s be honest, I don’t have the time, energy, or desire to train and travel to races right now. I consider myself lucky to get my goal of four runs a week in. I would love to volunteer, but have had a hard time finding something I can do with kids and getting a volunteer coordinator to call me back in general (Gervase if you by some chance are reading this, please call me back, I would love to bring toys home to wash them…) I have tried scrap booking. No, thanks. I have tried getting crafty. Not so much. I am searching.

I feel like I used to know myself better. Pre kids and even pre marriage, when I got to be completely selfish. When I got to pursue my desires on a whim, with out coordinating schedules or feeling guilty for not being home. When I didn’t have to use my “free” time to simply have coffee with a friend. Aaahh, the days of ordering whatever I want at a restaurant with out having to think about splitting it with Scott. Having kids is one of the best decisions I have ever made, but I think I need to start making an extra effort to get to know myself again. I have a couple of passionate ideas, we’ll see…

What are your passions and how do you pursue them? (this is not a rhetorical question, I really would love to know how other people make it happen!)

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The Run Around

April 6, 2009

Remember just the other day when I was waxing philosophically about being present each day and seeing an annoyance as a gift….

Today I missed my run. Running is more to me than excercise. It is my time to reconnect to myself. It is my time to think, to pray, to solve the worlds problems and since having kids, it now doubles as my alone time. I walk out of the door into the dark morning as Cori and I walk in the door sweaty and happy as Better Cori.

Nate decided to stay up most of the night and so I decided to skip my run. And then low and behold, Nate decided to awaken for the 30 mins after I would have had to get up for my run anyway.  That was my first inner rage of the day. Scott wouldn’t eat breakfast, Nate wouldn’t eat breakfast so I loaded the diaper bag with snacks and headed out to do my budget friendly grocery shopping.  Nate had a freak out at the store so I gave him a cheese puff. That’s right people, I fed my baby a cheese puff and not just one, I let him go to town the whole time we were in the store. (in my defense, it was an organic baked cheese puff, but still….) Scott grabbed a carrot off the produce area and just started munching away and I didn’t even notice until the carrot was 1/2 way gone. Nate rubbed cheese puff residue on the Whole Foods vitamin lady when she was discussing sunscreen with me. You get the picture, not the best grocery day.

We get home, hungry and annoyed. Nate poops. Scott starts screaming at Nate that his poop stinks and that he is not allowed to poop anymore. Nate starts crying. I start screaming kindly explaining through gritted teeth that Nate doesn’t like to be screamed at and that he can’t help pooping. Scott starts screaming at me that I should have taken him to the potty and held him over the toilet so he could poop there. (he is being completely serious) I just stare. Scott goes to the playroom and dumps out every toy basket. I try to calmly explain that he now has to pick up every toy. He has a freak out.  There was more, but just typing it is making me sweat so I am stopping here… I stuck everyone in their rooms for rest time and read an amazing quote.

I have a major obsession with Kristin Armstrong (more to come on that subject later) and am reading her new book. This is the quote “A series of inauthentic choices can lead us into living a life that feels like a total sham.” Life is made up of all the little choices. I had the choice how to deal with my children and my day and I chose wrong. I wasn’t patient, I didn’t try to really understand their needs, I got frustrated and annoyed and probably made everything worse. The good news is nap time will be over (hopefully later rather than sooner!) and I will get to make a whole new set of choices. Hopefully those choices will lead me to the life I want to live.